Posts Tagged ‘relocating’

What most people moving to The Netherlands might not realize is that the Dutch legislation is quite different to the laws in your home country, especially in regard to Family Law and what is considered as “normal” in The Netherlands. If you have children this post should be of interest to you. Whether or not you are married, does not matter a whole lot.

What I want foreign mothers to realize, who are moving to The Netherlands (with their children and Dutch partner) is that they are at risk of being forced to remain to live in The Netherlands after they split up with their spouse. In about 80% of the cases where mothers want to relocate with their children after their relationship with their spouse has ended, are not allowed to move abroad with their children when the father chooses to stay in The Netherlands.

Not even when you want to return to your home country!

Not even when you want to join your new husband from whom you are expecting a child.

Not even when you have been a full-time mother.

So please be warned and proceed with care because Dutch legislation and particularly the Dutch Courts are very restrictive and quite unreasonable when it comes to this matter!

It is my personal experience that Dutch Courts rule in a very chauvinistic manner, putting the fathers wishes (to see the child every week or two) ahead of the prospects of the child and the mother, saying that this regular contact with the father is “in the best interest of the child”, completely disregarding other (more important) factors which influence my child’s well being.  Things such as:

• financial security and prospects;
• my professional life;
• safe & child friendly environment to grow up in;
• exceptional education and health care;
• social safety net (which is lacking in Holland);
• and contact with & support of my family in the country where I want to move to have been all pushed aside “in the best interest of the child” by the Dutch Court, as if all these things I have mentioned above are not in the best interest of my child?!

That I, as a single mother, am able to provide for my child in a much better way when I relocate to the country where my family lives and have more financial and emotional security, did not matter to the Dutch Court. I was forced to either abandon in my child or to stay in The Netherlands to care for my child. If this would be Iran, I could understand this way of thinking. But certainly not in a “free country” such as Holland.

So the court has forced me to give up on the life I have envisioned for my child and myself.  That my ex-partner and I had always agreed to move to Asia before our son would be ready for school did not matter. That we agreed to only come to The Netherlands temporarily, did not matter. Of course contact with the father is important, I understand that and agree with this, but it should not be prioritized over the question: “where is the mother best able to bring up the child?”

I had made a more than reasonable proposal for the father to see our son regularly (every 2 months) and have weekly contact via the internet. But this did not satisfy the court. I am not an exception, I am one of many many women. I have read so many verdicts the last 12 months, that I have come to the conclusion that the courts must have a very narrow and one-sided understanding of what should be considered as “the best interest of the child”.

Obviously the reasons why you want to leave The Netherlands does matter and the judge at the Dutch Court does take this into account, as well as many other things such as age of the child etc, but in all honesty you have very little chance of getting permission to leave the country with your child(ren).

Please contact me if you are or have been in a similar situation and we can see how we can help each other, because this cannot continue.